hmm. there aren't quite words.

maan, it's been ages since i wrote a post. actually, the last post that i wrote was the night Heather left for Texas.. and never came back. the past 3 weeks have been the most awful, painful, joyful and growing time of my life. never have i experienced so many emotions at once. i thought my random times of "depression" were enough of a mix of emotions. then God showed me different.

Heather Marie Lee. she was my sister and my best friend. life without her has been so difficult. i'm trying to live my everyday life and it can't be done quite the same cause headabob isn't here doing it with me. we did almost everything together. and so now i do this or that and it's just me.. or it's just me and becca. we need headabob. it's been a time i don't necessarily enjoy at all but i trust God every step of the way. i KNOW, i'm confident He has this all under His wing. and He has all of our emotions under His wing too. but we just think it's NOT awesome. but i guess what we think doesn't really matter compared to what God thinks and what God knows! i pray that during this time of grieving everyone of Heather's friends, family, acquaintances (whoever was or wasn't apart of her life) can grow close or closer to God. that they know and BELIEVE that she is in a much better place. that she is with her Creator, her Maker, her Sustainer, her Protector, her Refuge. she is with our Father, Jehovah, Abba, maker of Heaven and earth! it's such a wonderful and crazy thing to think about. God has gotten me through this.. every week, day, hour, minute.. it's cause of Jesus. i'm so thankful for Him and what He's done in my life.

and talk about being thankful. Thank you Jesus, for Rebecca Kelsey Relfe. my gosh, she is so great! she's such a beautiful daughter of Jesus. and i just don't know what i'd do without her. she's been here for me constantly and i'm so glad i'm able to be her friend! her cute little self just gets me every time. she's pretty much the best. and her familia.. loove me some mama and pappa relfe! and abbie, she's been such a role model in my life. such a wonderful, beautiful sister. i'm just really happy to have known them for what.. 10, 11 years? talk about best friends for LIFE! : )

my familia. maaan, am i thankful for every single second of my screaming, loud, crazy, chaotic family! so very thankful. and i know this traumatic event will bring us ALL closer together.. it already has. thankyou Jesus for that. <3

i'm thankful for every single person that has been here for me, my family, my sisters, my nieces and nephews. i'm thankful for their sacrifice, for their servant hearts, for their love. from the bottom of our hearts, we are so grateful. (i just feel like i need to give a HUGE shout out to Aunt Grace. love you, woman.)

i could keep going but i'll end my post for now.

Heather Lee, i love you so much! i'm still counting on that special seat with my name on it. : ) <3