God is the hope of the nation!

Hellooooo from Sicily!

well as most of you know, i'm in Sicily, Italy with my grandparents and lots of different family at different times. it's been so good for me. i'm a home body.. i don't like different experiences. i'm not a fan of new things. it's hard for me. but for so long i've known that's what i wanted and needed..i need to get out of my box. i need to let go of all these worldly things that make me feel comfortable. so one step in that direction was going to Sicily. most would think that's a huge luxury and it is (i've appreciated and enjoyed it so much) but for me, it's a challenge. so far i've just been trying to get comfortable (to an extent), get myself used to new cultures, new foods, new everything. and it's been successful. i mean come on, so far i've tried octopus, shrimp, muscles, and swordfish. and for a girl who hates seafood THAT is some adapting (at least i'd like to think so). i've also had lots of pasta and kiwi which have been to die for!

at the beginning of the trip all i could think about was home. i was like, "alright 18 days isn't too long. i can do this." but i had to stop myself over and over again to remember, this is a GREAT experience. i need to take advantage of this. and so constantly i've redirected my attitude and snapped out of it. today is the 10th day that i've been here and i feel like i'm finally starting to feel comfortable and get into the swing of things (and of course i leave in a week.. figures lol).

but today, i caught myself feeling really down. it's like i'm struggling with this nagging feeling inside of me that something is constantly wrong but i can't figure it out. i wonder why God won't just make it go away, make it better. then i realize my own selfish ambitions and desires are getting ahold of me. God is stirring all of this inside of me so that i have NO choice but to run to Him. i'm sitting here thinking, "i'm in ITALY! how can i not be happy? how am i feeling discontent.. still! this is ridiculous!" i'm also thinking about me and how i'm feeling. what i don't like. i'm upset that mom took the spot where my computer charges every night. mom took the couch that i take my naps on. dad wants to invade in my nightly routines. SERIOUSLY?! i disgust myself sometimes. i'm so selfish. but why can't i change it? why is it still so constant?! i'm realizing more and more God is preparing me for something greater. i just wanna release it all and be free of.. me.. that sounds awful but sometimes i just wish i could be truly like Him. i wonder if that's ever possible. i've been watching Nana (my grandmother) very closely this trip and i see that she is more like Jesus than anyone i know. it blows my mind. the way she sacrifices, loves, takes care of everybody.. it's insane. she's my hero! i definitely see her as a role model.

yesterday while reading my bible i came across a verse that was perfect timing.. ‎"Be very careful then how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16. MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY! i cannot tell you how many times i've prayed that over the last month or so. i'm so used to being in my comfortable bubble. i'm so used to doing things that i know are absolutely, positively SAFE! like to the point of ridiculousness. i think Heather really impacted me in a good way. she taught me to live free, to take chances (to a certain extent, of course =p). she taught me so much.. and she always thought she had so little to offer. i wish i had seen it sooner so i could prove to her differently. i'm so thankful for her. i miss her so much, i just wanna cry all the time. i'm thankful i've learned so much but i wish i could've learned it while she was alive. makes me so upset. anywayssss, enough with the sad thoughts.

things i'm working on that i want to make public so everyoneee can help me:
-not worrying so much/relaxing (not in the lazy way lol)
-living more freely
-taking chances
-making the most of all opportunities
-learning to be content where God has placed me

i can feel God preparing me for DTS and more specifically for going to Rwanda or Cambodia every day. and i'm grateful for it. it's not easy but i'm grateful.

wheww. i just really needed to get all my thoughts out.

Let God Arise!
Rid me of myself, I belong to You. Lord, Lead me.