So, I'm not really good at stopping.
I mean like, STOP, breathe, regroup and come back.
This semester has been an extremely challenging one for me. I am 2 semesters and 40 something days away from graduation.. and I thought it was supposed to get easier. FALSE. RED ALERT: it's doesn't It's hard. It's taken all that is inside of me to keep my head above water. Thank God I was on the swim team as a child, right? ;)
I've always been one to want to excel (or at least try to), I think I got it from my mom. Shoot, and my dad too. He went through accounting school and took the CPA exam and he has his own company. So yeah, I'd say it runs in the family. (Not to mention the personality of my grandfather, whew!)
But this only means that I'm not very good at balancing my life.
I don't want to say no to things and I don't want to fail.
But I think the Lord is trying to teach me something.. because I have failed my past TWO finance tests. I probably cannot even express to you how much that scares me. AHHH! And when I say fail, I mean a 55 and a 42. Like, flunk-so-bad-you-don't-know-the-information-at-all, fail.
I know that I am not defined at all by my grades, I know that. But it does reflect how much I've studied. And when I feel like I'm working my booty off, and then I fail two exams, that's a kick in the stomach. It hurts, man. So, I'm learning what that means and what that looks like. I'm learning to balance all my classes. I'm learning to balance how much time I spend on school. I'm learning that no matter what, the Lord should come before school. But when I have a long list of things waiting on me, it's hard to literally push it away and ignore it for 30 minutes.
In all seriousness, when you're sick, you've been at your parents house since Friday, your mom is out of town, your dad is tackling tax season, and you have a mound of homework, BUT you wanna sleep off the sickness, you wanna take the antsy kids to the park, and you wanna clean up the disastrous house before mom gets home, WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO?!
I mean, I have a big project due Wednesday and an assignment due Tuesday at 9:30AM that could potentially take an entire day to complete, how do you just say, "I'm sick. I need to sleep. I'm going to put this down and sleep." I'm no good at that, people. My sisters literally had to send me to my bed. It's not that I don't know that I need to sleep. And it's not that I don't want to. It's just that I KNOW all this homework is waiting on me. And if I don't get it done, it's going to affect my already struggling grades. So where do you draw that stinkin line?! It's a mystery to me.
I've developed a personal motto that I keep saying to myself, "worry less, trust more." I kinda say it alot, but that's ok. Because it reminds me to calm down and that it's going to be ok.
In the midst of all the crazy, the Lord has given me such beautiful opportunities. He's blessed me with so many challenges that only allow for growth. And I'm so thankful for that. He's allowed me to meet beautiful followers of Jesus at UAB and allowed me to show the love of Christ to nonbelievers. It's pretty cool.
In the end, I'm learning how to look to God in absolutely everything. All the tasks, big and small. All the opportunities and all the trials.
Amen and Amen.
Oh, and if you wanna pray for total healing, that'd be awesome. Because yes, the sickness is forcing me to rest. But I really don't feel good. :(
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