growing up.

When I have so much going on in my head it's almost unbearable, I know it's time for a blogpost. 

Warning: This post will probably be super scattered. Bear with me. : ) 

Yesterday I woke up with such a heavy heart, but could not pinpoint what my issue was. As I thought about it, I realized that it isn't just one thing. It's a large combination. A whole lot of things that I need to be giving to the Lord and NOT worrying/thinking about for a second longer. But, as I'm sure you know, that's easier said than done. 

I really can't complain. As I look back at my life, I know that I am incredibly blessed. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive, a job, school and friends. I mean, wow! 

But.. I'm still stinkin struggling. And hurting.

I've been reading the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge and it's been incredible. (And I'm only on Chapter Three.) At this point, they've been discussing the nature of women. And how we were created in the image of God therefore some of the things we feel and long for, God longs for too. For example, to be romanced. I have never truly thought about it in this way, but the Lord wants to be romanced by us just as much as we want to be romanced by some warrior-like, beautiful man. If we were created in HIS image, why would it be any different? Mind=blown! 

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I've also been learning a lot about prayer. I am constantly praying. Longing for God to give me something I don't have. Or begging Him to make me "feel better." Just being honest here. But here's what I've learned: God knows what we need and want. That's not to say we shouldn't ask Him, but really, He knows. And He just longs for us to praise Him. So, instead of crying out to God telling Him everything I need that He hasn't given me, I've been working on praising Him through prayer. 

"God, you are holy, magnificent, worthy, beautiful, King of Kings, above all else, Giver, Provider, and so much more!"

And you know what happens? Me telling God who He is, reminds me of who He is. So, in the end, it benefits me tremendously. I never want to lose sight of who God is.. even though I do sometimes. 

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As I was talking with a friend a couple weeks ago, she told me, "Kathryn, I hope you keep struggling with this (insert struggle here). I don't enjoy saying this because I know you're hurting, but I pray that you continue to struggle many more times before ____ actually happens." She was saying this with the most genuine heart. She wanted me to continue to struggle because through my trials I'm getting to know God so much more. I'm understanding more of His character which is building MY character. It definitely didn't feel good to hear her say that because I don't like the trials I'm undergoing right now, but I completely understand. It's really, really hard, but I pray I continue to struggle as well. Because I am at a whole new level with my relationship with God. And if I'm only 22 years old, I can't imagine how much more is to come. 

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My heavy heart has a lot to do with school, uncertain summer plans, money, growing up, etc. 

Oh, life. It's a hard one, but man is it a good one. 

: )