I miss her. Ya know? I know it's normal and all but it's just fact. I miss my sister.
As the years pass (cannot believe it's been years) I realize how the Lord has allowed me to see how amazing she was. That's not to say I didn't see that before but he's allowing me to see more and more all the incredible things she did, how she was growing, how she was changing me. I am thankful for that. I just hate that you never know fully what you have until it's gone.
What I've come to this week: Heather changed lives. And she's continuing to change mine.
I feel like as time has gone by I am feeling and learning some of the things she felt and she learned. And it's really cool. It's really amazing to be able to learn from a sister who isn't on this earthly world anymore. Jesus is cool like that. : )
But..
I miss her.
I miss her spunk.
I miss how easy it was for her to just have fun.
I miss how much fun she encouraged me to have fun.
I miss how much she soaked up everything she was involved in.
I miss hanging out with her.
I miss driving to nowhere places & discovering new things.
I miss going to the Top of the World with her.
I miss watching sunsets or the stars while laying on the sidewalk.
I remember one time, me, Bec, and Heather went to the grocery store and got a pack of oreos with some peanut butter. And we sat in the grass and just laughed and talked and dreamt and ate. I cherish those memories. I cherish them with all my heart.
And to this day she is teaching me to love unconditionally. She is teaching me to take risks. She is teaching me to let all the worries of the world go.. just live life to the fullest! She is teaching me to go to those scary places. How amazing is that? She was an amazing human being. An amazing sister.
I want to encourage my friends or family who have lost a loved one.
It's okay to grieve. It has been almost 3 years since Heather died and I am still grieving. And I know that I will be for many more years. I've come to accept that. And I pray that you can to. And I pray that you can know it is okay. It is completely normal and it is necessary! Grieve with me.
C.S. Lewis said in his book "A Grief Observed", "We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for."
This is so true. As believers we are completely surrendering our life to the Lord. He has complete control meaning nothing that happens is a surprise to the Lord. It may be to us, but He knew it all along. I'm just thankful that He's a great Father! He loves us and He has our BEST intentions in mind. Heather's death has brought SO. MUCH. GROWTH. in my life. I wish that it didn't have to look exactly like her dying, but I know that He's in control and He called her home. Home with Him is the best place for her to be! It's the best place for US to be. We are destined for an eternal life with Him in Heaven. How beautiful must that look!
I miss her a lot but as I miss her and think about our life together I am enlightened of the goodness that her story brings. The Lord is showing me the goodness that her death brought (friends coming to know the Lord, friends&family growing closer to the Lord, my family becoming better friends with Heather's friends, etc). I am learning a lot of it is our attitude. How we are viewing what exactly He has done in our lives whether it be the death of a loved one, an illness, not being accepted into the school you wanted to attend or struggling to conceive. Whatever it may be, He has something for you. Something better for you! He just wants us to keep looking at Him.
These are all things I am learning and still wrapping my head around. I am in no way "cured" and I in no way have a great attitude about every single thing that happens. But I feel like I am getting there. Recognizing these things and being able to apply them are completely different but I think it's a step in the right direction.
Let's walk with the Lord together. Let's follow the straight and narrow path and embrace all the Lord has for us together. Let's trust the Lord together. Together we can learn, grow, and embrace the JOY of the Lord.
Matthew 5:4-5 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
Mourn child, He is with you always.
With love,
Kathryn
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