honesty.

ok. it's time to be honest some more.

honestly, i am no good. really. I.. am.. no.. good.

this week the Lord has been reminding of me how awful i can be. and how much i can get caught up in myself. and i feel seriously convicted.
i am incredibly selfish. (self-centered.)
greedy.
whiny.
rude.

i sat down to journal and started to realize what the Lord has been gently whispering to me lately. i mean, who do i think i am?! how can i ever take advantage of Him? yet i do!

i wanna bow down before the Lord and weep. that's how sorry i am. i don't want that to sound sorry. but it's the truth. dang.
Lord, I, Kathryn Grace Lee, am sorry! Forgive me, Lord! I'm sorry.
You deserve soo much more.

Guys, the Lord provided ALL the money I need for Haiti and more! I wanna cry because I don't feel like I deserve it at all. I understand that we are constantly undeserving and that just shows how long and deep and wide the love of God is for His children. but i mean, i feel extra undeserving. like an extra jerk.

we have been renovating at work and one of the guys who Vapor has hired to do the construction asked me tonight how i was doing on raising money for Haiti. (wow. i love my job!) i told him that i have raised it all (!!!! God is so good. Thank you, Lord!) and we talked a little bit about where i was going and about the culture (cause he's been before). well about 30 minutes later he slips some money into my hand. i was astonished! we had just discussed that i had all the money i needed. but he insisted! i got to my car and counted it.. it was one hundred dollars! this man, who i've only known for about 2 months gave me a hundred dollars for a already funded trip. all he said was, "i want you to have it." i am so humbled. i wanna cry. He's so good. what i am supposed to do with all God's goodness. that's a serious question. you can't outdo Him. and i'm thankful for that but still. i know He has GOT to be teaching me something. He has for sure reminded me of His goodness and how I am NOTHING without Him. oh so little. without Him. Father, I am seriously humbled.

i'm trying to grasp all that you're teaching me. thank you for your patience. I pray for a greater fear of the Lord. May we have a greater fear of You. I get so caught up in life that I don't realize how BIG my Father is. How could I NOT fear Him? I should be down right scared. lol. You get what I mean though?

Thank you.. that i can always run to you.
that you provide. that you forgive.
that you are KING OF KINGS!
LORD OF LORDS! that you have RISEN! (praaaise Jesus!)
you are worthy. 
you are GOOD. oh so good. i'm overwhelmed!
you are MIGHTY! mighty to save!

God blessed me with parents who will go above and beyond for me! Lord, I realize all that you've blessed me with but I don't know how to respond to it all. I really don't. Lord, how do I respond to all that you've given me and will give me? I want to help my parents ministry out (my family). But it gets so overwhelming. Lately I've just been avoiding lots of things. But it shouldn't be that way.

How do I give back? How can I personally give back? Maybe it's not.. my parents house me and bless me and take care of me so I help with the family.. maybe it's not that specifically. But what is it? Ya know? SO. this week my goal is to re-focus. re-group. ask for specific ways in which i can give back. remember to voice my gratefulness to the Lord. and most importantly, love. love God. love others. 

thank you. if you are reading this. just.. thank you. cause you've probably contributed to helping me grow in my relationship with Christ without even realizing it. so thank you.

let's do this!
<3